Free Services | Legal Services | Documents | Informational Articles | Retaining V-Lawyer

Parenting Plan (Child Custody)
by Andrew H. Sargent, MbA, JD

Your Relationship with your Attorney

Who gets the kids?

The Law is Neutral - the Facts usually are not.

There is no hard and fast rule over who the child(ren) will live with. Contrary to popular belief the law is neutral - it does not favor the mother. Both parents have equal right and claim.

The facts of the case will determine and they are seldom equal. Who has been the major care provider? Who stayed home? If both worked - Who took off for school meeting, doctors appointments? Who took care of the home, laundry school work etc.

Look at the history in your life and you will normally see one parent has been the primary care giver. The other the secondary care giver. In all probability this will not change.

The age of the child(ren)
The age of the children is important. If the child is an infant and still nursing bet on the mother. If the child is 17 and want to live with dad. Bet on dad. Until the kids are about fourteen they have no real say in who they will live with. If they have a preference the court will listen but is not bound by their wishes. Above fourteen the court will generally go with the desire of the child.

Who has the children?
Who has the children and how long they have had them is important. For example if the couple separated a year ago and the kids lived with mom and dad is just now raising the issue - the question is why? Is this a smoke screen - a way to pressure a property settlement?

Safest Method
If you want the kids - the best thing to do is never let go of them. Keep them with you. Courts do not like to cause change so if you are the status quo you will have a better chance of keeping them. Live the life you want. Then the court is not making any changes but reaffirming what you are doing.

If you live it, you are agreeing to it even if you object to it, so be careful what you do and sign. If you let the other spouse have them without going to court you are agreeing.

Dating, Significant Others and Live-Ins
The court does not care if you date or have a lover. It does not care that your ex has a new lover or a series of lovers. No matter how much you want the court to care, it does not, so don't waste your time and energy on this issue. Unless the conduct is so extreme that it endangers the children you will most likely lose.

Each parent is an adult and entitled to a new life and new love. In some jurisdictions acceptable conduct includes homosexual relationships. In others it does not. If this is a factor discuss it with your attorney regardless of which side you are on. It will come in play at some point and your attorney does not need to be surprised in court.

However, physical safety, use of drugs, criminal activity, child abuse, child molestation etc. whether from a parent or a significant other or live- in is significant to the court. The primary focus of the court is what is in the best interest of the child. If there is danger the court can and usually will act.

The Parenting Plan
In Washington you will develop a parenting plan. The plan is on a form you can get from the court and it covers the basics issues as:

Who the child will live with. An example is: the child will live with the mother except for every other weekend from Friday at 6:00 PM until Sunday at 6:00 PM when the child will live with the father.

Who will have Winter, Spring and Summer Vacations. For example - The child will spend winter vacation with the father. Or The child shall spend the month of July with her father each summer.

How holidays are handled. There is a list and you divide them.

For example:

Holiday	Father	Mother
Christmas Day	odd	even
Christmas Eve	even	odd
New Years Day	odd	even

How and where the children will be transferred. For example - the children will be transferred at the McDonalds restaurant. Each parent shall pick up and the other parent or their representative may drop off.

How disputes will be resolved. For Example - disputes will be resolved by the Kitsap Mediation Center. Each parent will pay 50% of the cost.

If the parents are unable to agree on the above issues then the court will appoint a Guardian Ad Litem. The GAL will determine what she/he feels is best for the children. The GAL will file a report with the judge, if you can't agree the judge will decide for you.

Child Support is Different then Visitation.
If the support is late or he/she does not pay it you can not limit or stop visitation provide in the plan. It can be a criminal offense to ignore the plan or refuse to follow it so give is a lot of thought. Once in place it can not be easily changed.

Visitation is the Minimum not the Maximum!
Remember, even if you only have your kids every other week end, this does not mean you can not go to the soccer games, the school plays, call them doing the week etc. The visitation time is the minimum time that is yours, and yours alone. Your relationship is up to you - you can maintain contact, if you want to.